Channelling Bradbury

Australia has a national treasure called Steven Bradbury. He shot to fame (and stayed there) when he won our first gold in the Winter Olympics.

His time to shine arrived when everyone else fell over. Twice.

In the semi-finals, two rivals face planted while another was disqualified… Then in the finals, the entire field fell over and he sailed through to gold medal victory 🤣👌

Now a cynical person might believe that’s not really a reason to become an icon.

However, Australia embraced him (and his frosted tips) so he began an illustrious career as a motivational speaker.

🤔 So what’s the sport of equestrian got to do with speed skating?

Well, tight pants for one…

For the second aspect I need to explain the scoring…

And it’s safe to say the person that invented equestrian point scoring was NOT a ‘glass half full’ kinda person.

In the sport of Eventing (or Horse Trials), you get all your points during the dressage phase. For showjumping & cross country you can only go backwards.

Furthermore, in dressage the focus seems to be on deducting points for the things you don’t do well enough.

In layman’s terms, the person who did the LEAST shitful performance is the one that sits atop the leaderboard.

It’s a bit like congratulating Usain Bolt on being the least slow person in the world.

Its correct but kinda depressing.

Eventing is one of those sports where you do three sports in one… first you do dressage, then jump colourful sticks (showjumping) and then rip around a paddock jumping large, immovable objects (cross country).

In the stick jumping and cross country you can’t increase your points, the best you can hope for is not to do any worse.

There are many, many reasons you can lose points too… You can knock down sticks, be too slow, fall off (never a good option) or even get penalised for wearing the wrong pants.

It’s a tough gig.

And every time I compete at one of these things, my old mate Bradbury comes to mind.

See, imagine if you were coming third after Dressage 💭

The only way you can possibly claim victory is if contestants number one and two fall over (or wear the wrong pants 🤷‍♀️)

Which, let’s be fair – doesn’t exactly generate the most selfless thoughts of sportsmanship.

So picture me, if you will, staring at the scoreboard doing a quick calculation.

“Old Matey at the top really needs to fall over in order for me to get my mits on that shiny ribbon”

Meanwhile my mouth will be saying ‘Great job! You’re doing really well!’ but secretly we all know what’s going on upstairs.

Now, now.. Don’t judge.

I didn’t make the rules.

Earlier when I said ‘imagine if you were coming third’ well that’s a rarity. Usually after dressage I’m hanging out in the bottom rows of the score sheet.

However before I give up entirely on the shiny ribbons, my mind wanders to Bradders.

“Chin up. If it can happen at the Olympics surely it can happen at Level 5 Pony Club” I’ll remind myself….

“I’m sure Steve thought there was no possible way he could come from last to claim a God Damn GOLD MEDAL… and look what happened there” 🤷‍♀️

And off I’ll go… buoyed by the notion that ONE DAY I might make my way up from the bottom rows.

Of course, it hasn’t happened yet.. and probably wont until I learn how to be a little less woeful at Dressage 🙄

However, if you’d like to be the first to know if this EVER transpires AND to stay updated with my other musings about this awkward equestrian world – add your info in here so you’ll never miss a thing 👇