Well this is orchid… A reality check for equestrians

A few months ago, I decided to identify as an indoor plant person. 

I know it’s not very original but i’m going for the cottagey,  witchy vibe in my new Gingerbread House… and Pinterest got me hooked. 

So I found myself some pretty lookin’ flora, whacked them on a shelf, watered them as instructed and even sprayed them with a mister… because I know that’s a thing that planty people do. 

Then I sat back and congratulated myself for being so brilliantly botanical.

But then I began to notice that the once vibrant & pretty plants had stopped behaving the way they were supposed to and that kinda pissed me off.

I felt irritated that I was caring for them and I was not being rewarded for my toil.

When I noticed they’d started to slump, I did some research on how to make them a bit more thrivey… and when I say ‘research’ – I was actually only paying attention to the things that suited me… and for anything else, I either ignored it or thought I’d figure out some way around it.

And as time went on and my planty pals failed to cooperate.. I finally acknowledged that there was one glaring error that kept coming up in my reading.

It was pretty simple really….it was all to do with light.

But my Gingerbread House is pretty dark and I wasn’t about to go knocking new windows in the walls so I just kept thinking.

“Whatever… Google. I want these plants on the shelf HERE so they’ll just have to cope.”

I even figured because I’m a human and I’m smart and I’d read some stuff on Google and I could compensate for the wrong light with some extra stuff. 

Planty supplements if you will…

And whaddya know, even though I did things like ‘tea baths’ the plants just got more and more miserable…And it wasn’t until a few of them died and the others looked like stalky skeletons that I finally conceded

“FINE! I’ll put you by the window in the spare room”

“But just so you know, this is not how it’s supposed to be..”

“… This is not why I got you in the first place. No one ever even goes in the spare room… and you’ve completely foiled my dreams of having a witchy aesthetic in the lounge”. 

And I begrudgingly moved the little orchid arseholes into the spare room, feeling a bit huffy because now I’d gifted myself this entire extra chore of indoor plant maintenance without getting what I wanted in return.

And WHOMP. 

It hit me. 

I’ve been known to have EXACTLY the same attitude with horses… Over and over and over again.

Many times I’ve ploughed along pigheadedly, wanting what suits me and not what suits the horse…And I know I’m not the only offender here.

I noticed this the most, a few months ago when I did some work for an equine ulcer company. 

Despite ALL the evidence about turnout & feeding and friends and forage – there were A LOT of people just like me with the orchids.

They INSISTED that stabling was just how it had to be.. and that their horse could definitely not be kept in a herd because of X, Y & Z.

They would get kinda screechy on the keypad and write things like “It’s NOT a management issue. I know my horse is happy…”

They just wanted something to FIX the problems that kept coming up over and over again.. and in the meantime the horse just had to suck it up.

Because, let’s be real… band aid solutions are a much easier pill to swallow when it’s too inconvenient to do anything else.

It’s also the same when people ask “Wondering if it’s possible to keep 4 horses on 1.5 acres because I’ve found my dream property”

And the answer should be…

“Yes Susan, you can absolutely can”

 “It’s entirely possible keep horses in a way nature did not intend.. and they’ll probably stay alive. Much the same as you could keep a person locked in a laundry and they probably wouldn’t die.

They’ll be miserable, stressed, cramped and uncomfortable – but they’ll probably live the natural course of their life. So yep – go for it.. Go and buy that pretty little property” 🤷‍♀️

“Also remember, horses cant speak to tell you how unhappy they are. So when the physical and behavioural stress responses inevitably start to manifest – then just treat the symptoms and not the cause and everyone’s a winner 👍… P.S Use my code for 10% off for this whizz-bang ulcer supplement“

So I really don’t enjoy being the ‘fun police’… I’d much rather be getting around in the nude with my mullet wig or falling off my horse on cross country somewhere.

But I think this comes down to a matter of expectations.

Our horses take a LOT.

They occupy a LOT of mental real estate and they’re usually very expensive. For most of us.. they’re the thing that makes us bounce out of bed in the morning.

However…

The idea that it’s a partnership should probably be re-assessed. A partnership indicates that there are two willing parties, with similar motivation and a common goal…

And while it might sound right for an instagram caption – a more astute person would realise that a ‘sand dancing partner’ is actually just an obliging horse who would MUCH rather be burning calories by play fighting with his friends in a paddock, than pointlessly bouncing up and down in a sandy rectangle.

It’s ok though… We have horses and we have them for a reason.

Some of us can swallow the pill that jumping colourful sticks or going round and round in circles with plaits in their hair is NOT what they want to be doing… and can compensate by making the rest of their live as enriched and close to nature as possible.

It would be like me bringing the orchids (if they ever actually bounce back) from the spare room to proudly display in the lounge when I have visitors coming over… and then taking them back to their appropriately lit place in the spare room the following day.

(Disclaimer… i really don’t know if I’ll be bothered to do this.. Any guests that visit might just be treated to a ‘jungle experience’ if they stay the night in order to save myself the effort 🤣)

However, if a horse’s daily planner is full of stick jumping, followed by a 22 hours in cramped conditions, whether that’s isolated in a stable or a pasture that’s just far too small for them to feel comfortable – then that really is a welfare issue.

It might suit you and it might suit the materialistic ideals of equestrian management but this type of thing does not suit the horse.

(Which incidentally was why I left that ulcer job… I hated having sales targets with the nauseating ‘repeat business’ of having horses constantly medicated and pitching the product as an ongoing solution.

What I actually wanted to do was shake these people and say “YOU!!! YOU ARE THE PROBLEM… Put the fucking horse in a paddock with some hay and a friend… and watch all these problems disappear!”

But now I’m unemployed with annoying orchids, so let the record state that integrity comes at a price 🤣)

And just as I learned with my flowery friends, it might be inconvenient, it might make you feel a little ripped off… but it’s not up to us to decide what makes a living creature thrive.

It’s NOT a matter of opinion.. it’s a matter of biology 🤷‍♀️

And for those who will launch the inevitable argument that this is the ‘best they can do right now’ – whether it’s justifying no turn out, antiquated barn rules, cramped conditions or supplementing til the cows come home…

Then maybe, just maybe it’s not fair to own a horse until you’re in a position to provide the things they actually need?

Because it’s ok to have a horse and it’s ok to enjoy a horse… but it’s not ok to expect them to live 24/7 in conditions that are biologically inappropriate and contradictory to their needs.

So there… I said what I said, and I know some people will have an issue with it…🤷‍♀️

So tell me, what do YOU think? Do you agree? Disagree? Or think I should stick my orchids up my arse and stay in my lane? 🤣

Let me know in the comments 👇