In my Wabi-Sabi era, Baby!

There’s this thing that I’m nearly certain you’ll relate to…

It’s body shame… and horse shame.. and all this shame that gets tied up in the way things are ‘supposed to look’

And despite being a reasonably confident person, recently I’ve been reconciling how much of my ENTIRE LIFE I’ve spent dissing myself for the way I look.

And it’s not just me… lately I’ve also been acutely aware of how far my horses are from the image of perfection and berating myself when they don’t look ‘right’.

It’s like, if they’re not perfectly and immaculately presented to someone else’s standard – that I am not doing enough 🥹

It came to a head earlier this week when my very old but utterly adorable pony Mumphrey had to make an unexpected trip to horsepital. And in order to minimise stress on the poor little fella we took his best friend Timmy Trumpster along for the drive.

And with only about 4 minutes of notice – I just loaded them both, without a single stroke of a brush and we headed off to Bendigo Equine.

As we rolled through the gates there was a magnificent, sleek, shiny horse with oiled hooves and not a hair out of place getting clip clopped down the driveway… and it was enough to give me an immediate “oh fuck” feeling in my stomach.

And even though I KNOW Timmy is the happiest & healthiest he’s been possibly in his entire life… I couldn’t help feel creeping shame about the way he looks.

He’s grey, with a winter coat that hangs around for about 8 months of the year (yep.. with Cushings if you’re wondering). And it’s not just any winter coat mind you.. it’s so long it curls and it’s weirdly waxy – which means every time he rolls (which is his favourite pastime) – every last grain of grime collects in his coat.

Add to that a billy goat beard and leg hair so long you can’t actually see the bulge of his fetlocks – and you’ve got yourself a reasonable idea of what he looks like.

Here’s a close up I took the other morning when he was getting his morning herbal mix 👇

But I value my time… and I would rather spend it taking him for a walk, trimming his feet or clicker training than I would trying to groom the grime away… especially when he’s just going to go straight back out and roll in a puddle anyway.

I also don’t want to wash him in the freezing winter weather and I’d never clip & rug him while he’s so clearly thriving.

He’s operating in peak condition, just the way he is.

And the same goes for me.

I’ve been doing a few ‘stories’ lately on social media… showing my face & chewing the figurative fat.

And weirdly, I’ve been ok with showing my face with no makeup and not doing my hair. Which is something I would never had done a year ago…

Oh no.

Even if I was in a dusty paddock doing a video, i’d still make sure my face was ‘done’ because I could barely stand to look at myself if I hadn’t covered my skin and tried to make myself look presentable – up to someone else’s standard.

So what’s changed?

It’s not like I don’t care… In fact, I think it’s quite the opposite.

Because now instead of hating my droopy eyelid or wondering how I can hide Timmy’s curly coat from the prying eyes of the public – I’m in a place of appreciation.

I haven’t ‘let myself go’ because I was struggling with mental health or ‘given up’ because I was old & bitter…. I’ve just had a bit of a mental shift.

And then, quite by chance, a few days ago I read about this Japanese phenomenon called Wabi Sabi and I thought

“Boom! That’s what’s happening here”

What is Wabi Sabi?

Wabi Sabi is a concept that teaches people to search for the beauty in imperfection and accept the natural cycle of life.

It’s a reminder that perfection is impossible and everything in the living world is impermanent. It’s to accept how things are and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life.

And gee whizz… how beautiful is that?

And for the days and hours afterwards, this concept started to tickle at the edge of my consciousness…

Was this the reason why I was suddenly not horrified by my greying hair and wrinkling neck skin?

Was it why I’d been questioning why, at more than 40 years of age I was still so embarrassed at the idea of doing a public poo, knowing it’s something that every single creature has to do?

So naturally, as I do, I went down the Wabi Sabi rabbit hole to find out what other pearls of wisdom I could find… and these are the 5 best things I found.

1. Acceptance brings freedom.

Uketamo is a Japanese word that means accepting with an open heart.

It’s the idea that the sooner you can accept the good AND bad things life throws at you, the lighter you will feel and the faster you can move on.

Because here’s the reality: The longer you resist, the longer you feed your own suffering.

If you want an example, think of those tedious friends that are still obsessed with ex partners or bitch about the same old stuff every time you see them 🙄

And while I 100% KNOW I have been that person in the past 🙈 (and chances you have too), when the shoe is on the other foot, I’m sure we’ve all thought

“Oh for fuck’s sake Sally – you’re actually just feeding your own misery by staying hung up on this. Just move on already” 🙄

Which is pretty much what Wabi Sabi says… just a little more eloquently 💪

2. Forget perfection.

Every living creature is in a constant state of change which means the concept of perfection is completely impossible.

It’s a moving target, if you will.

If you’ve ever had a shitty boss/client/parent that always moves the goal posts with what they want from you, then you know how depressing it is to work towards impossible and unrealistic expectations.

So here’s the reality check: Perfection does not exist because change is the natural state.

3. Appreciate the beauty of ‘broken’.

So back to Japan for a sec…There’s an ancient, fantastic form of art that stems from Wabi Sabi. It’s known as Kintsugi.

The idea is that instead of chucking out broken things, the artist mends the broken objects with gold fillings. This gives them ‘golden scars’ and allows people to celebrate their changing form of imperfection.

The art is about piecing together broken items and making them more beautiful in the process. It reminds us that there is great beauty in broken things because scars tell a story.

But just try telling this to a horse person 🤣🤣

The very mention of scarring will send your average showie into a state of hyperventilation. To them it’s a reduction in value, a ‘blemish’ and indicates the lack of quality.

But just imagine what a big, long drink of Wabi Sabi could do for them?

All these uptight equestrians would be able to appreciate a scar as being a indicator of the body’s beautiful ability to heal and scar tissue as an added layer of strength & protection 🤔

But in a world where people are still determined to keep horses caged in solitary confinement, despite knowing what that does to their health & happiness.

All in order to fend off the dreaded scar…

We’ve certainly got a long way to go.

4. Slowing down and simplifying is the best way to feel joy.

We all get in miserable ruts… They’re unavoidable.

And in these times it can be pretty tough to find beauty in everyday life because everything seems so dark and grim.

But according to the teachings of Wabi Sabi, the antidote is slowing down and simplifying your life.

And, I’m not sure about you – but that’s pretty much the biggest thing I need to learn.

I spend so much time rushing and fussing and I do jobs for the sake of ‘getting them done’ without really appreciating the moment.

Recently I’ve been making a big effort to take joy and care in tidying my house, in feeding my horses and doing all those usually chore-y sorts of things.

You should try it.. It makes things seem SO much more enjoyable.

💯 highly recommend.

5. Happiness is being content with where you are and what you have.

My hot take on this, is to pause for a moment & be grateful.

I know it’s old news.. and even kinda cheesy… but I’ve found gratitude to be the MOST consistently effective way to hit reset when my brain is starting to spiral.

And according to the Wabi Sabi wisdom – the problem stems from us humans getting obsessed with FINDING happiness…

It’s like it’s a thing we have to go looking for…Whether it’s chasing likes on social, needing more ‘stuff’ and or getting recognition.

When really, being thankful for the things we already have is just a much more wholesome, enjoyable way to be.

The takeaway…

At it’s core, Wabi Sabi is the reminder that life is fragile and temporary.

It’s as impermanent as anything else in nature, so are our horses, so are our bodies and so is every single thing around us.

So for now I’m appreciating myself and Timmy – just the we both are.

For him, it’s a perfectly practical waterproof winter coat. He’s warm & happy and the Cushings is the result of a painful, stressful part of his life.

It makes him who he is.

For me, I’m thinking of myself like an aging tree.

Young trees are for the most part symmetrical, a bit same-same & non-descript. It’s not until they reach maturity that they get interesting and develop their own unique form.

It’s the texture, the creases and lopside-ed-ness that makes them beautiful 🙏